Archive for July, 2008

Cracking up… in more ways than one
July 18, 2008

   I’m a bit cracked…. but most of you know that already.

Sometimes, it’s kinda fun.  I love humor ( see above picture of Ruby, my alterego), and find odd things really funny.  I also love to make people laugh, whether it’s something I say or doing something out of the ordinary.   Sometimes, it’s really painful, like this morning when I lost my cool with the kids after constant interruptions and bickering.  I’m not a perfect mother.  Lots of cracks there.

The struggle this morning is acknowledging this same old crack that has come up again and being willing to give it back to the Lord.  I need to seek forgiveness from Him and my kids and move on.  I dwell on the cracks because I hate imperfection.  It annoys me like a scratchy shirt tag that won’t lie down.  I want things smooth and seamless.  I want to be perfect and I am not.  It’s funny how many times God uses my kids to remind me of this.  I have trouble not dwelling on the cracks… is this my human nature or is it part of OCD and trichotillomania?  How much grace am I allowed when I’ve blown my stack for the zillionth time over the same stupid thing?  God may not run out of grace or patience with me, but my family might. 

Brokenness is not weakness, nor does it doom me to a life of uselessness. I am a cracked pot.  My head knows that each broken place allows more of Christ’s light to shine into the world if I allow Him to be Lord of the cracks. If I stop trying to conceal them, patch them, cover them over, they can bring glory to God.  my heart just struggles with the willingness to surrender.

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“Unbusheling” my light
July 18, 2008

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”  Until recently I thought this reference to light meant the light of Christ in our lives.  I thought it meant sharing Christ with others… that the light was Jesus or the gospel and it was my duty to go forth and shine.

Partly.

Jesus is the LIght of the World, and we are privilaged to bring Him to those in darkness.  But my attention is drawn to the word your in this verse.  Your light.  It could have said “Let His light so shine before men…,” but it doesn’t.  It says your.   Your light; my light.  They are as different as we are different.  But they are lights all the same, and they all point back to the same Source. 

These lights are the gifts and talents that God has lavished on us, His children.  They are the abilities we have and the things we enjoy doing the most… the things we are good at and are passionate about.  The second verse of “This Little Light of Mine” says:  Hide it under a bushel?  NO!  I’m gonna let it shine.  I have spent most of my life hiding my light under a bushel and talking myself out of the things I love and have a natural talent for.  Who needs another artist?  What could I possibly do that has not been done already?  I’m not as good as [fill in the blank], so I’ll never make it.  *snuff* 

Recently I took a job as a sculptor/artist/office help for a custom wedding cake top company.  No, this is not a ministry per se.  I’ve never had a job where I’ve felt to at home.  I love going in, I love the challenge of the details, I love working with my hands.  I’ve spent so long bemoaning the “jack of all trades, master of none” type that I am… but here, my light was exactly what was needed.  Devine aha moment:  The way I am is not a mistake or a waste of time and talent.  God had something in mind… and has more planned.  Now I have a steady part time job that fits in with the family’s schedule, and I have the courage to branch out on my own a little more.  Since then, I’ve picked up 3 commissioned portraits with hopes to eventually have more steady work in this area.  And always I pray that when someone sees my work, they will be reminded of the Lord. 

I took off the cover and Unbusheled my light.  My light, my unique gifting… that points back to Jesus, the artist who designed me.